Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy pursues girl. Girl says no. Girl secretely enjoys attention. Girl falls in love with boy. Together they fight against society and jealous exes. Boy marries girl. Happy Ending.
Or so is what love stories will have us believe. This is the most common theme in almost all Bollywood romance movies. And this is not limited to just bollywood.
These are what these stories teach us:
1) You are incomplete if you have not found ‘true’ love
2) Marriage is the only acceptable successful culmination of ‘true’ love.
3) Relationships without ‘true’ love are doomed to fail
LIES. All of them!!!!!
These are the facts:
1) You are NOT incomplete if you have not found true love:
True love is not the ‘ONE’ thing missing in your life that makes you feel incomplete. It could be the pizza you ordered that still hasn’t been delivered. Or it could be the career switch that you are too afraid to make and are stuck doing a job, that you just cant learn to love.
Stop blaming the ‘ONE’ for all your problems before they even make it to your lives!!!!
People use their lack of a ‘fulfilling’ romantic relationship for almost everything from their mood swings to their bowel movements. With the firm belief that if they find the ‘ONE’, automatically all things will fall into place and they will happily live ever after. Some actually make it their lives only mission to find their ‘other half’, and these are the people who give the stereotype of all single beings being hopeless losers.
The fact is, if you cannot be ‘complete’ on your own, chances are you will never be ‘complete’ with anyone. You need to get off your ass and fix your own life. You need to be responsible for your own shit. If your housekeeper does not come for a week, you cant leave doing the chores around your house yourself. And if you do, don’t expect them to patiently sort through all the shit that you kept putting off.
Some people do find their ‘true love’ and indeed do live ‘happily ever after’. But don’t be fooled by the appearances. Behind the scenes the relationship is not about just magic and fairy dust, but about compatibility, comfort, compromise. ‘Love’ might be a good reason to get into a relationship, but is not enough to keep one. It requires effort and hard work.
And some of are actually totally fine with not ever finding the ‘ONE’. Not because we have lost hope. But because we want to be independent and live our life to the fullest. If we do find love along the way. Well and good. But that’s NOT the only thing in life worth living for.
Whatever be your situation, you need to make efforts, be independent, keep improving yourself and have a goal in life.
P.S If you have not watched QUEEN, do watch. The theme applies not just to girls, but all genders.
2) Not every love affair/relationship has to be validated by marriage
In fact, not every love affair even needs to be validated by a monogamous relationship! But that’s not the point. You know how love is blind, right? It indeed is, sometimes our Prince Charming might not be the same as our Mr. Right. Sometimes our hormones don’t listen to reason or logic and cause us to become blind too.
You know how we all have that one friend who seems like our soulmate, is totally crazy and fun to be around with? And you think it would be so cool to be roommates. But then you find out that he’s the most irritating, annoying, lazy motherfucker who gets on your nerves every morning when you see his face and you can no longer even stand doing the things together that you loved. It gets so bad that you have huge fights and he finally moves out and you stop talking. Then one day you start feeling bad and missing each other, you start talking again and boom! You are back to being best friends again.
Lesson learnt: Sometimes we are better off not dealing with our favorite people 24×7
When you fall in love, at the initial phase your hormones will blind you to all the faults in your ‘better half’. But that thing slowly wears off, and that’s when the small things that you overlooked, starts bothering you. If you say something about it, you are a nag. If you don’t, then it becomes the itch you cant scratch. And either of things slowly build up and what you thought would never happen, happens. The relationship becomes stale and even poisonous, and you are faced with a choice to either walk out, or remain stuck in an unhappy situation.
In a relationship, you need to learn to compromise and share responsibility, and when things don’t work out, you need to learn to call quits.
Sometimes relationships work better over a distance and time apart.
Har rishtey ko naam dena zaroori nahi….
3) Some relationships can bloom even without romance
In todays generation, we are obsessed about love and finding our soul mate. Most of us cannot even envision committing to a long term relationship unless we have fallen head over heels for the other. And even if we do commit, we keep waiting and expecting to feel those butterflies in our stomach eventually. And when those expectations are not met, we are convinced that it was all a mistake from the start. This is a reason why we look down on those of our friends who willingly choose to go through arranged marriages.
Marriage (or long term committed relationships) are mostly about love and commitment. But love is not just the romantic kind you feel that gives you butterflies in the stomach. It can be looking at a person and knowing they are your rock for better or for worse, knowing that you two will always be looking out for each other. It is something that can be nurtured over time. And what hinders it mostly is the illusion of choice we have when we are not infatuated with one person. A marriage (or a long term commitment) is a way to limit this hindrances and focus on a relationship with one, whom you might not start loving out right but maybe over time the relationship builds up to one with a strong foundation.
Sure, not all long term commitments that start as such will work out, but they indeed stand a better chance. It needn’t be any random person chosen by your parents or well wishers, even though they might work out as well. But you could try entering a short term relationship with someone you believe you are comfortable and compatible with, and most importantly, have a common activity or hobby to bond about. Give it a shot, test the waters for a month or so and bam! Maybe you did just find your ‘soulmate’. Just be sure that both of you are clear about your wants and expectations from the relationship. Neither of you should feel forced to commit or restrain yourselves. A healthy friendship can build up to a better relationship than a romantic one.
Real life can be much more diverse, adventurous and hold more surprises then all the movies you have watched or stories you have read. Give yourself a chance.
P.S Yes I put SEX in the title only to catch your attention.